“He was such a good guy!”
“Man, I really loved the Times we had together”
“She made me feel so wonderful”
Those are only a few of the examples that we might hear after someone dies.
I HATE IT WHEN I HEAR THEM!!!
Oh, I don’t hate the sentiment, I hate that they’re being said after someone dies. Check social media after a friend dies, listen to the conversation around a table when the news hits and worse yet, I am particularly bothered when I hear them at a visitation or wake. I mean after all, saying something like “Here’s all the things I should have said when they were alive but didn’t say” doesn’t make for a very good eulogy, now does it!?!
I’m not against saying nice things about people after they’ve moved on, I’m against NOT saying them to the person when they are alive! I’m against not SHOWING the person how you feel when they’re alive!
I know that most naysayers will fall into two camps…
The first camp says…..
“Well, they knew how I felt about them, I didn’t have to tell them.”
The second camp says…..
“I’m not the touchy-feely kind. It would have made us both uncomfortable.”
Let’s take a look at those…
“Well, they knew how I felt about them, I didn’t have to tell them.”
So, how would your wife or kids feel if you never said I love you? How would you feel if nobody ever told you? Let’s put it into a practical sense. At the store you’re owed $2.46 back in change but they never give it to you because they “know” you won’t mind if they don’t give it to you! Just because we know someone and like, appreciate or love them, doesn’t mean they also won’t truly be moved by finding out the impact they’ve had on us!
Time to look at the second camp…
“I’m not the touchy-feely kind. It would have made us both uncomfortable.”
This is a cop-out, plain and simple. Not a hugger, fine. Send them a card letting them know! Drop dinner off one night telling them because you thought they deserved it! Call them and tell them, write them a letter and there are about a hundred more I could come up with. Honestly?
DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN NOTHING!
I have a good friend who goes into a funk every time someone they know dies. (And the older we get, the more that’s gonna happen, trust me!) They talk about how wonderful they were, how bummed out they are, why this, how come that, etc, etc, etc…
STOP IT! It’s time to put your “big boy and big girl pants on” and take advantage of what life has given us!
L I F E and T I M E
We have the TIME to begin to thank others for making our LIFE better! By the way, that time isn’t tomorrow or to say “Yea, I should do that this weekend.” The time to do that is NOW! They might not be here tomorrow or for that matter, you might not be here!
Fill your remembrances and conversations after the death of a friend with the wonderful stories, the laughter you shared, their importance to you and most importantly, the TIME you spent with each other and how they enriched your LIFE!
PEACE
…..Gregg